Well, to be fair, it started way before that. I've discovered that I have a compulsive need to try to BE someone else. Not just a philosophical "I want to be someone other than me" thing, like, I choose specific people that I want to basically steal, like in that Ethan Hawk movie where you see Angelina Jolie's boobs, but without all the killing.
That's Mary-Louise Parker, Alison Mosshart, and Zooey Deschanel. I have tried to be each of them on several occasions. At least I have good taste. No use trying to be an ugly chick. No one likes them any more than they would like me.
When I was told that my blog is a lot like Allie's blog, like maybe I'm copying, I thought to myself, "Time to find out what is funny about YOU and write that way."
That's where the problem started. I have no idea who I am. I'm always trying to be someone else or something else or improve in some way, if you took that all away, I'm not sure what you would find. One thing that I'm fairly certain of is that it wouldn't be very funny.
My gut reaction was to stop writing my blog. Why keep blogging if I am just trying to be something I'm not? These are my words, but am I saying them with a secret wish to be someone else? I know that it's just a stupid blog that only like 10 people read, but it's so reflective of my life that this really disturbs me. Why do anything? Why say anything? Why?
I'M CONFUSED!!!
What kept me writing was that I thought "What would these 10 people do if I stopped blogging?" and I came up with the following possibilities:
- Drive nails into your temples
- Join a gang
- Call your parents
- Start a fight club
- Watch more internet porn
- Forget I exist
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